I have this job interview (or party or networking event or wedding, etc.) to attend and I don’t know what to wear.
What should I do?
Great question.
The short answer
You need to wear something that you feel good in, something that you will be happy to be wearing, even if you are dressed completely differently than the others.
The medium answer
Take a moment to consider why you think it matters so much what you’re wearing. Is the answer that you need to impress them?
Do you actually need to impress them? What does that really even mean?
Impressing someone is really about trying to be what you think another person wants you to be rather than being yourself.
First of all, you are making the assumption that you know what it is that these people want you to be. You don’t. This is especially true if you’ve never met them, but likely still true even if you have.
Second of all, do you really want to impress by being somebody you aren’t? What happens when you’ve been in the job for a few months – are you still going to be this character you’ve created? What happens after the first few dates – are you still going to be this heavily-modified version of you?
Stop trying to impress people. Just be who you are.
The long answer
Let’s do a little role playing.
Overdressed
To start, let’s say you are going to a job interview, and you really want to impress. So, you go out and buy a new suit and the obligatory uncomfortable shoes. You are certain that you will impress them with your fashion sense, even though you don’t feel like yourself.
Scenario 1:
You get there and the person (or people) interviewing you are all wearing jeans. How do you feel then? Likely very self-conscious and uncomfortable.
Because you are wearing something that you don’t feel good in AND you are very overdressed, the interview is unlikely to go well. You are stilted and off your game and kicking yourself for wearing something that you don’t feel good in.
Scenario 2:
You get there and the people interviewing you are nicely dressed, but not in such formal wear – actually they are dressed like you normally dress.
You might feel frustrated because your attempt to impress them (by making assumptions about what type of person they were looking for ahead of time and then trying to contort to become that person) have left you feeling out of place. If you had worn one of your favorite outfits, you would have fit right in and felt great about yourself. Now, they might even hesitate to hire you because they believe that you are looking for a role at a company with an altogether different culture.
Scenario 3:
You get there and the people interviewing you are dressed just like you. You impress them very much and you get the job! And now you are required to wear suits to work every day. The atmosphere at your new place of work is stilted and oppressive to you and doesn’t match your normally relaxed demeanor.
Normal Attire
Now let’s create a different basis for some more scenarios. What if you decide to wear an outfit that is a bit on the nicer side, but also something you feel fantastic in – one of your favorite outfits.
Scenario 1:
You get there and the person (or people) interviewing you are all wearing jeans.
How do you feel then? Because you wore something that you love, you still feel good about yourself. You are dressed a little more nicely than they are, but at least they are getting a good feel for who you are.
Scenario 2:
You get there and the people interviewing you are nicely dressed, like you are.
Perfect! These people might match you in terms of how they like to present themselves to the world. Maybe this will be a good fit for you. You are comfortable and have a great interview.
Scenario 3:
You get there and the people interviewing you are very dressed up, far more so than you. In fact, they are wearing suits. You do feel a bit uncomfortable and a little under-dressed. However, you feel great in your outfit because it feels like you, so you still have a great interview. If the people doing the interviewing are overly concerned with your not being in a suit, perhaps this is not a place that would be a great fit for you in the long run anyway.
So, what should you do?
Dress in something that feels good for you. If you love to dress up, if dressing up is when you feel the best, then dress up. If you typically wear jeans and cowboy boots, then maybe wear jeans and cowboy boots.
If you find yourself at a loss for what to wear, ask yourself these questions:
- Is my goal to look like everyone else no matter what or is my goal to represent who I actually am?
- How will I feel wearing [fill in the blank with what you are considering wearing] even if the people I’m surrounded by are dressed differently, even very differently, than I am?
Then pay attention to what your answers are. You will know what you want to wear.
And, importantly, this applies to far more than job interviews – it can be used for first dates, to networking events, really to any social or work occasion.
If you are wearing something that feels like “you” then what the people around you are wearing won’t matter nearly as much to you. If you find yourself trying to contort to fit in or get the job or make a good impression, I urge you to rethink what your goal is.
Long-term contortion is exhausting.
Being yourself is always the answer.
