I want to change things, and I don’t know where to start.
What should I do?
Recognizing that something needs to change is a great starting point.
Are you actually wanting to change?
Make sure that you are being honest with yourself – do you really want to make this change. Until you really want things to change, you won’t be motivated to change them.
Sometimes we hold onto the bad job or the defensiveness or the extra weight or any of the things we complain about for reasons that might not seem obvious. So get honest with yourself first and foremost. Are you more comfortable staying defensive because you fear being alone when you see people’s true colors? Are you more comfortable in that bad job because you’re afraid to put yourself out there and risk making a mistake? Are you more comfortable carrying the weight because it keeps you safe? Are you more comfortable carrying credit card debt because you’re afraid to give up buying the things that help you avoid your feelings?
Some of the reasons you might be doing these things will seem astonishingly strange to you. That’s ok. Be honest with your own self, even if you can’t yet admit it to anybody else.
Then you can work with that.
It’s up to you
But, if you are ready to make the change, then you actually need to do something.
If you want to improve your cashflow, you have to make a choice to change how you make and spend money.
If you want to improve your relationships, you have to make a choice to change how you react to people.
If you want to lose weight, you have to make a choice to change the way you eat.
If you want to get stronger, you have to make a choice to begin working out in a way that supports that.
If you want to get a new job, you have to make a choice to start looking for a new job.
If you want to meet new friends, you have to make a choice to start prioritizing that.
It’s up to you – the choices you make in life define the life you lead. And nobody can do it for you.
Start somewhere
Very small actions taken over long periods of time have the power to change everything.
Consistently paying off credit card debt, even an extra $50 per month (and not using it to charge more) will eventually result in the debt being paid off. And you will teach yourself that you can do hard things and start believing in yourself.
Consistently choosing to laugh at yourself instead of becoming defensive, even once per day, will eventually result in it becoming easier for you to lighten up and not feel so threatened by your mistakes (or other people’s mistakes). And you will teach yourself that you can do hard things and start believing in yourself.
Consistently cutting out that one snack per day, even just 50 calories each day, will eventually result in you starting to lose the weight. And you will teach yourself that you can do hard things and start believing in yourself.
Consistently going to the gym, even for 15 minutes each time, will eventually result in you becoming stronger. And you will teach yourself that you can do hard things and start believing in yourself.
Consistently setting an intention to apply for new jobs, even for 15 minutes each day, will eventually result in you finding something that is a better fit. And you will teach yourself that you can do hard things and start believing in yourself.
Consistently checking in with a new friend, even one friend each week, will eventually result in a stronger friendship. And you will teach yourself that you can do hard things and start believing in yourself.
Start small
Start smaller than you might even imagine and reward yourself for very small achievements.
Even not charging anything new on your credit cards might be cause for celebration!
Even laughing at yourself a few times might be cause for celebration!
Even cutting out that snack every day for a week might be cause for celebration!
You get the idea.
Reward yourself
Don’t hesitate to get yourself a star chart (yes, like you do for kids). Give yourself a star for each tiny win. Once you’ve collected a certain number of wins (maybe 25 or 30), tell yourself you will celebrate by doing something you love. Maybe you’ll go see a movie or let yourself get an ice cream cone or whatever else you love to do. (Just make sure that your reward doesn’t undo the progress you’ve made – i.e., don’t go buy yourself a boat for saving $50 this month.)
You can do hard things
Over time, you will be showing yourself that you can do hard things. You can do hard things. Sometimes you might just forget that or lose faith in yourself. But you can do very hard things. You just need to take one step at a time and really want it. You’ll get there. Nobody climbed a mountain without deciding to climb the mountain, putting one foot in front of the other and getting started and then continuing until they reach the top. You can take breaks – that’s normal. But you need to know where you intend to go and then you need to start heading there.
